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Everett Miller
Everett Miller

Mature Wives Who Cheat

If you've ever had your heart broken due to infidelity, you know that it's a special kind of gut punch that takes a surprising amount of effort to overcome. You may never again be able to fully trust your partner after they've cheated. According to Today, cheating (including emotional affairs) is one of the main causes of divorce.

mature wives who cheat

Although the Institute for Family Studies reports that more husbands than wives admit to being unfaithful, according to The Cut, psychoanalyst and writer Esther Perel cites an increase of 40% in unfaithful women since 1990, while men's statistics have stayed about the same.

"He had cheated on me multiple times and I wasn't quite ready to leave him because of the kids, so I tried to exact some kind of revenge by sleeping with someone too. In retrospect, I wish that I had kept the high ground. I left him two months later." -Redditor Orange_Paisley

"I have cheated, yes, but on my husband before we were married. It wasn't physical, but more of an emotional attachment that my husband (then boyfriend) believed was cheating. Which, after settling down my pride, I agree with. It was unnecessary, and it's something I still have to deal with today. There was a lot of trauma in between the time that I did it, and while it's no excuse, it's the sole reason I desired an emotional attachment."My husband had left, out of the blue, for nearly a year, and when he came back I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to be with someone who could so easily leave after developing such a strong relationship with me. During that year, I developed a relationship with another man, which I cut off once my husband and I started dating again. However, there were still problems between him and I, so I reverted back to the other man." - Redditor pleindesprit

"I kinda sorta cheated on a boyfriend way back when. In my defense, I was only 19, so not a grownup, and said boyfriend came out of the closet not long after, so it was not really a satisfying and healthy relationship." - Redditor emmster

"(I was) with someone for several years. There was something missing and I by chance met someone and after a year of knowing them, I knew I couldn't hold back what I felt. I cheated emotionally for months, then once physically and then I ended the relationship to be with the other person." - Anonymous Redditor

"Our relationship was purely sexual. We didn't even cuddle ... But he respected me more than my husband did. So yes, I cheated on my husband. But I never cheated on the man that I married. I cheated on my abuser. I cheated on my tormenter." - Redditor finallyxfree

"I think there are a couple of reasons (I cheated). One, I thought he had cheated on me, and based on something he said to me implied he'd been intimate with someone else .. .secondly he was abusive and the other guy made me feel desired and wanted and since he was making me feel like crap I fell for the other guy. All said I still regret it as I've always vowed I wouldn't cheat." - Redditor Shadows23

"Because we both knew the relationship was over but didn't want to admit it. I didn't have the guts to dump him and he refused to leave me. I took the easy/cowardly way out and I cheated." - Redditor notnowfetz

"Women tend to be more unhappy with the relationship they are in," Fisher says, "while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat. Women are more interested in supplementing their marriage or jumping ship than men are -- for men, it is a secondary strategy as opposed to an alternate."

In fact, 48% of Indians believe that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time, while 46% think that one can cheat on a person while still being in love with them. This is probably why Indians are ready to forgive their partners in case they found out about the affair--7% would forgive the partner without a second thought, while 40% would do so if the circumstances were extenuating. Similarly, they expect to be forgiven by their partner (69%).

As for why people cheat, Whisman says prior experiences of extramarital sex, more permissive attitudes towards extramarital sex, and a greater acceptance of casual sex are all related to a greater likelihood of engaging in extramarital sex.

Lovers that are engaged in an affair can often be tripped up by the technology they use. In fact, there are many tech clues cheaters leave behind on their phones, computers, and other electronic gadgets that you can look for.

A study published in the American Psychological Association has discovered that infidelity is prevalent in 20-25% of all marriages. The rate at which men and women cheat is also approximately the same.

According to the recent study led by Dylan Selterman referenced above, 34% of respondents said their lack of physical intimacy drove them to find an affair partner. The person who cheated may not have been satisfied with how the passion of a relationship has run dry, causing them to look for other ways to satiate their sexual needs.

If you or your partner are struggling with sexual dysfunction issues such as having issues with erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE), this may be related to extramarital affairs, or could be due to other underlying health causes.

My conversations with Ashley Madison members have produced two books, detailing the behaviors and rationales of both female and male cheaters, which, for the most part, go against what we typically believe to be true. Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. I address the latter in my latest endeavour, Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity, which reveals the surprising truth about male infidelity, and flips the script when it comes to what we think motivates men to cheat.

Their decision to cheat comes from the desire to experience the love and affection they expect to receive from their wife, but has faded over time. After years of enduring those unmet needs, infidelity became a way for them to be doted on while not having to give up a partnership that still means the world to them.

Sure, sleeping with someone outside of the relationship behind one partner's back is pretty undoubtedly considered cheating. But what about frequently hanging out with someone you're sexually attracted to?

This subtle form of cheating doesn't involve physical intimacy with the other (i.e. they haven't kissed or had sex with another person), but the actions do break a couple's agreements about romantic exclusivity in other ways.

"Many people don't consider emotional affairs to be cheating since they aren't having sex," AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman writes for mbg. "But it is the secrecy and betrayal of trust that creates the most damage."

There are many reasons people cheat, according to sex therapist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. "A person may be cheating because they like who they are when they're with their affair partner. They might feel sexier, smarter, more charming, and more alive when they cheat. With their spouse at home, they might feel invisible, dull, boring, or old," she writes at mbg.

Zimmerman says this subtler form of cheating often starts by accident. "What begins as a work dinner, a message from an old friend or flame, or a shared workout at the gym can be developed into a flirtation and an intimate affair," she writes. "Many people have these interactions without it turning into cheating. Others, especially those who aren't completely fulfilled in their own relationships, begin to indulge the feelings of validation, attraction, and excitement."

All that said, a relationship isn't necessarily over if there's been micro-cheating in the past. "If both people are open to learning about their own contribution to the problems in the [relationship], if they're willing to learn how to take responsibility for themselves, they can actually create a much better relationship than they had before," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., previously told mbg.

If you're wondering whether your actions count as micro-cheating or are worried your partner might be doing it to you, it may be time to have an open, vulnerable conversation with one another about the issue.

In the past, there have been more significant differences in the reasons why men cheat and why women cheat, with men cheating more for sexual variety and women cheating more because of relationship dissatisfaction. But nowadays, that gender gap in infidelity is closing: Men and women cheat for many of the same reasons and at similar rates.

"Women appreciate good sex just like anyone else," Nelson says. "Women cheat when they find a man or woman that turns them on." If anyone tells you men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotion, she adds, they're wrong. A recent study published in the 1Journal of Sex Research1 found that, although men are still more likely to cheat for sexual variety, it's still among the top three reasons women cheat.

Whether it's physical or emotional, intimacy is one of those needs we all want to see met. If a woman isn't feeling intimately fulfilled in her relationship, and someone comes along who exhibits that type of intimacy, there will be an attraction. Some older research2 has found women tend to have a stronger emotional connection to the new person they're cheating with than male cheaters do, suggesting romance is part of the cheating equation for women.

Sometimes people cheat because the new person gave them a new feeling or made them feel like someone else. "Women report that an affair lover makes them feel special, sexy, and adored, and that attention is hard to ignore, no matter what their spouse does at home," Nelson says.

Low self-esteem can create a desire for outside validation, psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., explains. This might be particularly true if the person isn't receiving validation from their current partner, but Paul notes it's really the lack of self-love that can push someone to cheat. 041b061a72


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